Those days only continue..

you know, I'd expect to not be in such a dampened mood even though I just spoke once about my mother. The girls were talking about where they get clother and asked me where I went, I said that my uncle or aunt chose mine. Then they asked why I live with my aunt and uncle.. I said it was because I was taken from my mother about a year ago. They asked why and I fell silent. All that slipped m,y mind would be scenes of my mom getting drugs, or the people she had over, or even just her. There's my one weak point, my mother. A few days ago she called us and said she's been 'trying to get into the hospitals' and they wouldn't let her. I know she was lieing. My uncle said she must've been high or something. she wanted to go to some place for women with violence issues or something. Well, that's what she said. there's a thing about her though, she says a whole lot of things, but not even half of it's the least bit true. She's the reason for my shattered lifestyle, my swift track or thought and my forever lasting suspiscions. Oh, I could blame her for A LOT of things. but no matter what, she'll be my mother. I can't help but to love her. It's strained, I can barely stand to hear her speak to me, candy coating things, throwing her troubles into my arms. The only thing we did was argue, long miserable hours of arguing. Perhaps she'd strike at me, but I'm weak to the point I can't fight back, like an unwilling sense of pacism. In the face of danger, I never strike back, I can be beaten down and I wont fight back. Most of the time it's for my friends, since I don't stand up for myself. But my mother has this disease so she has artheritus, but in her muscles. So she can't strike with any force. I'll continue later, I have to go, for now.

Those days.

I'm not the only one that feels as if I have been stepped on and left to suffer. Am I? I probably am, but we all have our times, I suppose. My mood has been spiraling downward all day today. I have to babysit for five hours tonight as well. Since I get paid ten bucks the hours, I would have earned just about fifty, which is pretty good. Tomorrow I go to church at about four or so, a friend of mine might actually make it, for once. My little brother, Sean's birthday was this Wednesday. He's eleven now. He's going somewhere with my uncle and aunt when I go with the older of my younger brothers to church. As for my mood.. Only God knows how it's going to change. It's been falling rapidly, gaining ground then being slammed into, sent spiraling back down. Or like a large sheet of glass that's being tapped with a needle, then pin, then all of a sudden being struck with a hammer, shattering it completely. Then slowly, the peices are brought together, but only when it's been fixed a good deal does someone comes and kick it, watching and laughing as each and every hard-worked piece falls to the ground. Perhaps my exaggeration is too small? How about this one.. Like a small, tiny bird finally saying that it will decide to fly out of the nest and takes off, the wind is felt gliding under it's wings before it's stricken by another, left to slowly twirl as it falls, the grace of flight slammed from it. It falls, stricking the ground, only to have it's life ended in the more powerful maw of a large cat. A poet's lovely underminded gift of exaggeration. Vale.

This is a quickie.

I'm typing this when I have to go. x.X Well, I have a virus on my computer and it's beginning to be a pain. I don't remember quite what it is, or even know. But it managed to get me angry. But I have to go. Vale. Until next.

'If love is a labor, I'll slave to the end..'

I don't know. I've been really lazy lately and I've had my thoughts on love, merey because we are reading Romeo and Juliet in my English class. The title's from a song, I just don't know the name or band. And is it only me that notices all the sharp objects that come in manicure sets? I mean, really now. I'm in a mellow-ish mood, which means I can go happy or not so happy. I'm more in the mood to.. Let things act if they will, to like stand and watch what happens and if I feel I should act, I will. I'm still feeling a bit out of place in school, my grades are still suffering as well. I had this argument with someone who was my friend, she told me I ruined her life, used her, stole her food, and was a negative influence. I do not understand how she could come with the idea that I ruined her life, since I did manage to get into fistfights, on her behalf. The thing with me and fighting is that, no matter what, even if I am hit, I never retaliate, I don't hit back. So I basically got pummeled. I don't even have the slightest idea how I could have possible used her. Well, for the food thing, I never stole anything. It's just that my mother found better uses for any money she got, or we did. she would buy herself a snack, or get more drugs for herself. so, since we were half starved, we asked her for food and stuff. As for the negative influence, I really don't think I am that bad of one. Even back then. I hold most of my older standards still, and I seem to be dooing a deal of pretty good things. Well, she probably got it from her father anyways, since he did, afterall despise me and those who I kept around. Although, I did think I was getting to his better side.. I guess not. I don't know how to look upon the subject too well, any insights? I'm stumped and that's probabky the dampener to my current mood. It doesn't help that the last thing I said to her was to shut up and leave me alone. Well, this was much longer than I thought it would be. Vale.

I have a good explanation..

I actually forgot about the blog until now. It must sound soo awful. >.> I've just had nothing to complain about, save for a few cases of homesickness. I forgot to fetch a CD so I'm playing lazy instead of fetching it, I should post more regularly with my complaints soon enough. ^^ Okay, this is really short, and I know, but seeya! Vale!