Those days only continue..

you know, I'd expect to not be in such a dampened mood even though I just spoke once about my mother. The girls were talking about where they get clother and asked me where I went, I said that my uncle or aunt chose mine. Then they asked why I live with my aunt and uncle.. I said it was because I was taken from my mother about a year ago. They asked why and I fell silent. All that slipped m,y mind would be scenes of my mom getting drugs, or the people she had over, or even just her. There's my one weak point, my mother. A few days ago she called us and said she's been 'trying to get into the hospitals' and they wouldn't let her. I know she was lieing. My uncle said she must've been high or something. she wanted to go to some place for women with violence issues or something. Well, that's what she said. there's a thing about her though, she says a whole lot of things, but not even half of it's the least bit true. She's the reason for my shattered lifestyle, my swift track or thought and my forever lasting suspiscions. Oh, I could blame her for A LOT of things. but no matter what, she'll be my mother. I can't help but to love her. It's strained, I can barely stand to hear her speak to me, candy coating things, throwing her troubles into my arms. The only thing we did was argue, long miserable hours of arguing. Perhaps she'd strike at me, but I'm weak to the point I can't fight back, like an unwilling sense of pacism. In the face of danger, I never strike back, I can be beaten down and I wont fight back. Most of the time it's for my friends, since I don't stand up for myself. But my mother has this disease so she has artheritus, but in her muscles. So she can't strike with any force. I'll continue later, I have to go, for now.