"Pardon Me."
"Pardon me, as I burst into flames.
Pardon me, Pardon me.."
Incubus. The song has been stuck in my head for a few weeks. Well, the one line I know. I need to get the CD for it.. That would be great. And I have noticed the lack of comments I've been recieving. Oh well. Back to the song. It's one of any the was on a burned CD my friend lent me. Lovely, great songs that kept my brothers and me from paying much attention to the trouble we were in at my mother's house. Although she always said we had the radio too loud. But isn't that better than listening to my mother yelling, crying or doing 'things' with the people she always invited into the house? I think so. The people learned to leave me alone. 'Oh, she doesn't like me. She doesn't like anybody, does she?' What do they know? They are druggies with a great source of issues. Of course Im not going to like them. My mother lending all our stuff out for money that she either used for food for her, or even the bloody drugs. Nah, the children don't need anythign, do they? They'll just blink and they'll be fed! Yeah, nice job mom. 'I'm only trying to help you!' Yeah, great job at that. 'You b-----' What goes around comes around, eh mom? 'It'll be back, in a few days' Yeah, right. 'In a little while' More like never. 'I said, come here!' I shouldn't have, really. 'Can I borrow... I'll pay you back.' Ha! Where's the money then? 'Just a little bit.' More like it all. 'You should listen to me!' Yeah, then I'd end up like you. 'The children, please, stay for the children, they need you..' Yeah, we needed him mom, but guess who drove him off? 'Come on, we'll be able to eat.' Yeah, but it wasn't right. 'He's different.' No, he wasn't. 'It was only passion, a mistake.' Yeah, that caused him to beat you, mom. 'He's not hitting me anymore.' Now, isn't that swell? 'In just a little while, we'll be together again..' Yeah, like that's goin to happen. 'I'm going to the hospital tomorrow.' Now, are you? 'I couldn't go.. The hurricane..' Yeah. 'Has Sean been crying?' No mom, I have been. 'You watch after him, okay?' Yeah, I always have been. 'You don't hold anything against me?' I told you no, when I meant to say yes. 'You don't hate me?' I can't answer that. 'You wont tell anyone?' I never did, should have. Your voice saying, 'You b---- echos in my mind. Not like I can excape that. HA! I actually trusted you mom! Everytime you said things'll get better! Every bloody time! I fed on your lies, you want to know why, mom? There was a strand, a single strand of burning hope that I had in you. EVERY FREAKING TIME. Try to tell me one that you actually told the truth? One time what you said would happen, did happen? There are none. Your god for saken lies rolled on. What bothers me, is that I TRUSTED you, I BELIEVED in you. Soo gullible. A fate I wanted to excape. Guess it didn't work? I am not as I should be. You ruined my life. Splendid. All I can do is sit, and watch with smiles as I see myself tumple into darkened pits. I have something to say, thanks mom. For not being there for me, for not caring, for never showing true warmth. For abandoning us. Thanks alot. Surely means a freaking lot.
'Pardon me, as I burst into flames.
Pardon me, pardon me.."
'I'll never be the same,
Never be the same, Noo..'
Pardon me, Pardon me.."
Incubus. The song has been stuck in my head for a few weeks. Well, the one line I know. I need to get the CD for it.. That would be great. And I have noticed the lack of comments I've been recieving. Oh well. Back to the song. It's one of any the was on a burned CD my friend lent me. Lovely, great songs that kept my brothers and me from paying much attention to the trouble we were in at my mother's house. Although she always said we had the radio too loud. But isn't that better than listening to my mother yelling, crying or doing 'things' with the people she always invited into the house? I think so. The people learned to leave me alone. 'Oh, she doesn't like me. She doesn't like anybody, does she?' What do they know? They are druggies with a great source of issues. Of course Im not going to like them. My mother lending all our stuff out for money that she either used for food for her, or even the bloody drugs. Nah, the children don't need anythign, do they? They'll just blink and they'll be fed! Yeah, nice job mom. 'I'm only trying to help you!' Yeah, great job at that. 'You b-----' What goes around comes around, eh mom? 'It'll be back, in a few days' Yeah, right. 'In a little while' More like never. 'I said, come here!' I shouldn't have, really. 'Can I borrow... I'll pay you back.' Ha! Where's the money then? 'Just a little bit.' More like it all. 'You should listen to me!' Yeah, then I'd end up like you. 'The children, please, stay for the children, they need you..' Yeah, we needed him mom, but guess who drove him off? 'Come on, we'll be able to eat.' Yeah, but it wasn't right. 'He's different.' No, he wasn't. 'It was only passion, a mistake.' Yeah, that caused him to beat you, mom. 'He's not hitting me anymore.' Now, isn't that swell? 'In just a little while, we'll be together again..' Yeah, like that's goin to happen. 'I'm going to the hospital tomorrow.' Now, are you? 'I couldn't go.. The hurricane..' Yeah. 'Has Sean been crying?' No mom, I have been. 'You watch after him, okay?' Yeah, I always have been. 'You don't hold anything against me?' I told you no, when I meant to say yes. 'You don't hate me?' I can't answer that. 'You wont tell anyone?' I never did, should have. Your voice saying, 'You b---- echos in my mind. Not like I can excape that. HA! I actually trusted you mom! Everytime you said things'll get better! Every bloody time! I fed on your lies, you want to know why, mom? There was a strand, a single strand of burning hope that I had in you. EVERY FREAKING TIME. Try to tell me one that you actually told the truth? One time what you said would happen, did happen? There are none. Your god for saken lies rolled on. What bothers me, is that I TRUSTED you, I BELIEVED in you. Soo gullible. A fate I wanted to excape. Guess it didn't work? I am not as I should be. You ruined my life. Splendid. All I can do is sit, and watch with smiles as I see myself tumple into darkened pits. I have something to say, thanks mom. For not being there for me, for not caring, for never showing true warmth. For abandoning us. Thanks alot. Surely means a freaking lot.
'Pardon me, as I burst into flames.
Pardon me, pardon me.."
'I'll never be the same,
Never be the same, Noo..'
posted by Whisper at Saturday, October 15, 2005
4 Comments:
you are breaking my heart here girl. I feel so helpless since I can't just gather you in my arms and hug you. We have all been trying to think of a time that would best to bring you up. I think we would get more time during thanksgiving. you could come up that friday you let out and stay a whole week that way. Even go to school with mouse a day or two. I will call your uncle this week to talk to him.
what a heart felt post! i say let it all out dont hold anything back but when your done move on. dont think on it dont give it any more of your time she dont deserve it. think about u and your brothers and fuck them show them they mean nothing and u and your brothers will make and b fine with out them!
oh i found u thru daphne blog she is like a net mom 2 me so if she got u link u a good cookie hope u dont mind but i also linked you and i told my boyfriend about your blog he had a hard road also im sure he will link u 2.
ill b back!
A very moving post. I had a very similar problem with my father while he was alive but I wished he would go away and never come back. His big problem was alcohol. Just stay close to your brothers. You do have people that love and care about you.
Yeah. I kinda started venting, but I had somethign to say, it seems.
And yeah, I don't mind about the linking and stuff, I'll add yours, once I find time.
And forgetting is rather hard, actually.
Lastly, I thanks all of you for commenting. Even you mum, and sorry for breaking your heart. ^^ Love ya. and welcome Ryan, and Mike.
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