"Concrete girl"

"Bleeding thoughts,
Cracking boulder,
Don't fall over,
Fake your laughter,
Burn the tear,
Sing it louder.
Twist and shout.

Way up here,
We stand on shoulders,
Growing colder,
Laugh or cry,
I won't mind,
Sings it louder,
Twist and shout.."

It's another one from Switchfoot. I don't know, I'm feeling down since holidays are passing. I know I should be happy, I am, sort of. It just makes me think. Like this is the first Halloween of four before I can live with one of my friends - And it took just this long for this single holiday. The first Halloween that I will have without my mother. The first Halloween living with my uncle. The first Halloween I'm something other than a witch. The first Halloween in my new school. The first Halloween.. Alone. There's people around me, yes, but I couldn't possibly feel any further away. No one understands, they know something's wrong, but not what. I stood next to a pole at lunch time, which is after my third period of class. My back was resting to it and I watched my friends go off to see someone's costume. Then my attention shifts to the people walking by, some in costumes, some not. But in my mind, I can perfectly picture every holiday going by like this. Like standing in the same place, for seasons when you've only seen it through one. I'm starting up something else too, I'm having rather harsh arguments with my youngest brother. I feel like crap afterwards, but to the thanks of my mother, I can't bring myself to apologize. I'll yell at him some, and win the argument, which makes it much harder. My temper is flaring at spontaneous times, as well as an overwhelming sadness of sorts. I just feel alone, I guess. But that's the worst I can feel. Anger and any other emotion holds tight bonds to me, but I feel alone, caged..

You are bound by chains...
of misunderstood love
You are but a trapped bird...a pet of one that has yet to understand you need to be free

That's no song, simply part of a conversation I've had. But it reflects pretty much how much I currently feel. I mean I really feel bound, I want to go one way when I simply can't. Bound in place. Caged. I feel lost in a path that was once as clear as the day is long. Now it's dwindled and I've lost my way. With my slight sadness, I bid you farewell.

"Don't stop thinking,
Don't stop feeling.

One step away,
From where we were,
And one step back,
To nothing,
And we're standing on top,
Of our hopes and fears,
And we're fighting,
For words,
Now concrete girl,
And we're swimming,
Around, again, again,
And now we're swimming,
Around, again, again,
Around now,
Concrete girl."