I Write Sins Not Tragedies.

Oh, well imagine: as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:"What a beautiful wedding, what a beautiful wedding!" says the bride's maid to a waiter.
"Yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore."

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God'damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God'damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of oh





Well, I've been away for quite some time.. Computer's still dead, my mind's set free to the point there really isn't one, yet still I manage to keep the drama. Yes, yes. I know there's far too much drama for Mari. But life still goes on.. And on... And on... Whatever. People are weird. I hve to fix or help fix a lot of problems for people. But. I am not complaining, it's worth it to watch someone smile for the first time in months. It's a good thing to help out. Well, at least I believe so. Yet all the same, I have very little time. Au Revoi!

-Solin





Well in fact well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved!
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne!
Oh! Well in fact well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved! Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne!

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God' damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God'damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.......

Again...

I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God'damn door?!no"
It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God'damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality......

Agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain

Hate Me, By Blue October.

I'd find the lyrics like usual, but I have no time for that. Thought I'd post and say I'm doing fine, just have a dead computer and I sleep a lot more now. ^^; Well, the computer's about to boot me off, Ciao!

-Solin

Hate Me, By Blue October.

I'd find the lyrics like usual, but I have no time for that. Thought I'd post and say I'm doing fine, just have a dead computer and I sleep a lot more now. ^^; Well, the computer's about to boot me off, Ciao!

-Solin

This is something I posted somewhere else.

For once, here's Mari's experiences, for the world to see.
I want to start this off on the right foot. On why Mari wants to explain. http://driftingabout.blogspot.com/ If you take that link, you can see my best friend's little brother, explaining in his own words his surgery. He had a tumor growing around his ear and wht it did is explained by his mom below. But my side on this is that as you may all know, I love my friends to death. M-Boy has a sort of mental thing, autism, he has the mind of someone younge than him. It breaks my heart that he had to do the surgery. He's a bloody genius in math too. I mean he's like far surpassed Mari here and probably you guys. He's a genius to tuning intruments. I love him like a brother, and even though I do fight with them. If anybody messes with my family. This blondie will forget pacifism and kill them. No one messes with my brothers. No one messes with my friends. But I'm protective of my brothers due to the facts of the pain we've been through.
As my friends and each holding a piece of my heart ( And Soul.) I thought I should let you all know a little more about me. I'll go from beginning to end. I was born in Conroe Texas. Then we moved to Mississippi and Kenith was born. Then we move to California and lived there a little while, sometimes on the streets, but I dont remember much of it. Then we moved away from my father and into my uncle's home where Sean was born. We moved from Deer Park to Pasadena, then into Houston, where my pain began. We lived with my mom and beforehnd. She used to take us out with her when she recited poetry, we met awesome peopl. We never had much money, but she always tried to make us happy. When we first moved to Houston, I ent to school and no one truly liked me. I was gradually picked on more and more. All the kids mking up rumors about me, some as stupid and untrue as having lice and other things. My mother began to fall into an addiction with weed and she started having these people around all the time. I'd protest, but all she would do was scream at me. At school I remember one time that I had run off into the coach's office and just cried. I was in fourth grade and couldnt express my pain. I was drawn into helpless pain. I gained my first friend when she moved to there. We grew on one another and it was us against the others. I was almost drawn into fights all the time for stupid reasons. I had my friends turn my back on me. My mother always screamed at me as she fell deeper into her addiction, and she had a boyfriend who was my father figure. she was gradually forcing him to stay. He never stayed for her, but for us. We were helpless to the people my mom had come over, so he spent time with us outside as my mom dealed with drugs. He taught me how to swim and always gave us hugs and compliments, he always played arounf with us to. If we asked for something like, 'Where's Wascol?(Our cat)" He would reply, "He was... Delicious." Just those little things kept us happy. Eventually my mom fell into worse states, she began to sell herself, in other words prositution, cheating on our only father figure. It hurt him soo badly. It was unbearable. He would be drawn into fits of rage and pain, not expressing it only by telling her off in manners that I wanted to. eventually she began to use us to kep him there. He developed a drinking issue because of my moms damned activities. Eventually he left. she would be screaming and crying for him. not understanding why. she drove all the way to his house and waited with uss so force him out, to try and take him home again. We went often and sat out there at night, slept in the car most of the time. Listening to her cry. Listening o her wanting the one she hurt so badly. Eventually she just fell into drugs worse, and we were left to fend for ourselves. My brothers continued to be picked on and I stood up for them, always being emotionally shattered and sometimes just struck. I could never fight back. Anger pulsed through me and I always took my anger out on my brothers. My mom always yelled at me, telling me I was worthless, that I was a bitch. She kicked me out plenty of times. I just hung out on this area close to the roof, where she couldnt get me and I cried. I cried so much then. I couldnt strike her even though she struck me. she has this muscle disease that is similiar to artheritus, but to her muscles. I started staying out late, as far from her as I could. Yet I always had to come back. I had no where to go. Eventually my only friend moved and I made a couple others, one including John, who ended up liking me. I always screamed at him a fought verbal battles with him. I made him angry soo often.. I couldnt help it. I kept shattering further. I was lashing at the only people I had, my friends, my family. I was always in tears. I was always trying not to hurt anyone even though I needed to express my anger. So I just cried in my room. Listening to the drunk guys that always came over. Listening to my mom sell herself. Listening to my brothers expressing frustration and helplessness. I had to play the part of mom, when I was beyond emotionally unstable. I did what I could. I was almost raped. I had been sleeping on my bed, one of the few times I ever could, and one of the guys my mom knew broke in, beat up the guy she had watching us and came into my room an fell on me. He was drunk and felt up on me, I was scared into silence and tried to pull away, curling into a ball in the corner of my bed just short from crying. eventually he left and didn't do anythin further. My mom said she was sorry. Said that it would happen again. It didn't, because her friends merely had children that were older than me. They always picked on me and helped make my life even more of a living hell. I considered suicide, but I couldn't do it because my brothers needed me. once I told that to my friend Amethyst, who's in Kansas now, she made me promise I wouldn't. She told me that if I did, she would never forgive me, and so I didn't. I eventually began spending more time with her. I was half starved all the time, since my mother stole our money to buy her drugs and never fed us. I grew on her family, I had been welcomed to honestly and actualy experienced the family love I had been lacking. My mother had the knack of making me ask my uncle for money. I couldn't stand doing that, so I just never did and was screamed at for hours on end. I hapened to stop sleeping constantly because my mom's friends and the fact she promised me the computer and never let me on. "I promise, just one more hour.." I became sleep deprived, and was from sixth grade until the middle of eigth grade. My uncle found out and took us in. He wouldnt let my mom have us back and eventually took her to court for us. He became our guardian. She eventually began liking this one guy who beat her, so my uncle would make me see my mom and make sure he wasnt there. Everytime I told my uncle the guy wasnt there. He didnt believe me and thought I was lying, he sent Sean in instead. when Sean came back with the same news he would just say we shouldnt lie to him and we would leave. When I protested he only made me feel like shit, to say so the least. the first couple of nights at my uncle's house my little brother, Sean, stayed up at night crying. He wanted my mother. He wanted his mother. I eventually broke down too. He was young, too young to understand what Mommy was doing wronge.. I had to go to memorial and leave ALL of my friends behind. I was desperate and in pain when I first came. For almost all first semester I was wishing I could redo 8th grade. I missed Amethyst. I missed my friends and I was going to a school full of rich kids. We've spent almost a year and a half here and now things are like this. I'm now at the right weight. I'm still emotionally unstable, but I'm much better. I get yelled at a lot, but thats just because i'm me. What's bothering me now is the fact that my uncle always lets Kenith go out and do things until Midnight, Two or One AM. And I've come home at midnight once. and it was the end of the world. They keep on screaming at me for being a failure. I have my uncle over my shoulder telling me I'm going to be a Freshman next year. I have my aunt over the other telling me that everything I do is wronge and Needs to be corrected. I also have people hitting on me. Its kind of scary. I think I began to shake because of my emotional pain. I dunno. But That's most of Mari's screwed up life.

The letter R.

Okay, so I asked for the letter so I could have a post, God help me.

1. Rose: I'm absolutely in love with roses. I don't know why, their my favorite flowers. They are just tought to beat. The red ones are absolutely unresistable. I think I've finally become a girl.

2. Red: The color of blood. No, not really. I've just fallen in love with the color. Yet only the deep shades. and no, this Does Not Include Pink. I'm sorry. I'm not a pink person, bear with me.

3. Rosaline: May be spelt differently, but she's the first person Romeo falls in love with in the tragedy of Romeo an dJuliet. I've made a character sheet for the name, character is pretty neat.

4. Rascal: I am so a rascal. And I know there's no way that you would disagree with me, mum. The stuff I get myself into, the mischief I cause. I've dubbed myself the adjective.

5. Risky: I dont think I have done anything in my life that wasn't risky, save for go to the bathrrom, eat, and sleep. Other than that, there are decisions that either have a good or bad ending.

6. Ravishing: This is an awsome word. 'You look Ravishing today.' I'd so love to hear that. And God knows I will once I end up in Kansas. (Which I will try to make happen if my grades dont agree with me. I have a plan.)

7. Revived: I have revived my childhood. I've just been letting the reins too loose. I'm giggly at times. But it eventually ends up that I want to scream. Would've never guessed.. But yes, by all means, I'm Revived, emotionally, and Spiritually.

8. Racing: I'm racing my life away. I swear. I'm already 15. everythin is a race, to end the school year, to go to Kansas, get better grades..

9. Rescued: Yes. Mum had rescued me from my painful states of mind, my underfed-ness. and MauMau really helped me emotionally. Look, she's been in Kansas forever now, and I still keep her up at night! ;)

10.Raised: I never really was raised by anyone in specific, yet everyone's rubbed off on me. I'm even gooing as far to the soothing music I happen to be listening too. It all rubs off. So basically, evryone has raised me, even You Mum, and yes, my dearest MauMau.

"When I come around"

I heard you crying loud,
all the way across town
You've been searching for that someone,
and it's me out on the prowl
As you sit around feeling sorry for yourself
Don't get lonely now
And dry your whining eyes
I'm just roaming for the moment
Sleazin' my back yard so don't get so uptight
you been thinking about ditching me

No time to search the world around
Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around

Love has been the subject of my mind. I absolutely believe I'm going to go insane too. I think strongly of love. I asked a few friends their thoughts on love, this friend of mine, Jeremy, said the special one you love should be caring, willing to do anything for you and merely to be there for you. The others I asked looked at me like I was an idiot trying to ask them directions in my own little language. Save for one person. He told me that love was merely hormones. He said it was Only attraction. I took that rather harshly, for I believe the subject of love to have much more depth to it. I can’t really express my thoughts on love merely because one of the few emotions I haven’t experienced full force, is Love. Yet regardless that, I manage to have such a high respect for it. Well, with all my little problems at mind, I’ll go. Vale.

I heard it all before
So don't knock down my door
I'm a loser and a user so I don't need no accuser
to try and slag me down because I know you're right
So go do what you like
Make sure you do it wise
You may find out that your self-doubt means nothing
was ever there

You can't go forcing something if it's just
not right
No time to search the world around
Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around
When I come around

No time to search the world around
Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around
When I come around
When I come around
When I come around

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

There's always a time when one finds themself strapped defenseless to certain things. A major.. Soft spot, so to say. I think I have two. Both of them I just cant escape. One would be my mother all on her lonesome. and my dreams. I think I've forgotten to put up here that I haven't been able to sleep peacefully. I've had horrible dreams that wake me during the night and keep me unable to sleep a while. I wake up at least three times a night, at certain times and whatnot. my aunt says I'm not sleeping right because I'm a kidm, but I think it's something else? I don't really know, I've just not been able to sleep right lately. xX I'm actually fairly tired now and can't think of anythign to say, so I'll let you go. ^^ Vale.

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Just feeling like the days are sitting on my shoulders, they weigh a lot.

My mood has really had a drop within the past few hours. To add to my self-conscious nature, Kenith, my brother, said I was weak-minded, and weak-hearted. And that's because I wouldn't hurt him for messing with me. Can I be blamed because I don't want to be the cause of other people's pains? I just can't bring myself up to it anymore. Also, after that, he managed to further my anger, and still I couldn't do anything, to add to my feelings of helplessness, he said, "Yeah, bottle your anger." I felt absolutely horrible because of that, and he said that in the middle of Service at church. so I could do absolutely nothing. On the way home from church, my neighbor, Miss Charlotte, called my uncle and I got to tell her my F in Grography had been raised to an A. I had four A's, one B, and two C's. The A's are in Math, Geography, Study Hall, and Gym. The B is in English. The C's are in Biology and Latin. She told me that if I manage to raise all my grades to A's, that she will take me to Galveston. I already know my geography and english grades have dropped, so I feel a bit guilty about that. Gah, the day has managed to work against me today. I don't know.